Wednesday, February 16, 2005
WHO WILL BE THE PATTON TO SLAP HIM?:
This take on, inter alia, Sullivan’s absence is just too funny:Staff Sgt. Andrew Sullivan, recuperating at the Provincetown Home for Exhausted Critics, had very different reasons for leaving the battlefield. “You don’t know what it’s like in the shit, until you’ve been in the shit, man,” he said. “You can’t know what it’s like, day after day, post after post, interview after book review after opinion column. You see these guys, they’ve been staring at the computer screen too long, and you can just see it in their eyes, all bloodshot – they’re gone, man!” Sgt. Sullivan explained how his last tour ended. “I was with my unit, maybe 3 years, maybe a little more. Shit started getting crazy. That’s just how it is out there, man. I can’t explain it, but after a while, everything starts getting all mixed up, like you don’t know who is your friend and who is your foe, and like maybe they are all the same thing, man. Maybe you ain’t got no friends at all.”
“My last time out, I had point. We were tracking a unit of Fifth Column economists, and we ended up in some part of the internet I didn’t recognize. Suddenly, I feel this blast, like I’ve just been hit with a hammer, and then like my whole body is on fire. I’m trying to get my bearings, and I’m calling out for backup. I see my buddies over there, and they’re laughing. And then I realize – they fragged me. After three years, those fuckers fragged me! I sent back some really sharply-worded ripostes, but it was too late. And I never saw it coming.” Members of Sullivan’s unit, the 51st Fag-hating Super Forever Fag Haters, had no comment.
“Pah! Sullivan was fragged because he was weak, and he was a liability to his unit,” said Col. Safire. “I know his type – snot-nosed little punks, don’t know shit about real punditry. It’s all fancy doo-dads and whiz-bangs with them, all ‘fact-check’ this and ‘Google’ that. Weak as water! Back in my day, we didn’t need no internet to check our facts – hell, we didn’t need facts at all. We’d just sit down at the typewriter and make shit up. We didn’t have any facts, and we liked it!”
From The Poor Man courtesy of badtux at Daily Kos.
posted by Sully 2/16/2005 09:49:00 PM
HOW FITTING THAT THE ONE WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION HE DISMISSED REPORTS OF TURNS OUT TO BE THE REAL ONE:
We’d been wondering how Sullivan would deal with the reports of super-AIDS that emerged over the weekend.
This is the sort of thing he should have come out of retirement for.
And it was a good thing that we waited a day before commenting. For we think he went and softened his language re the Times once again without telling anyone. We’re (ahem) positive that yesterday the post referred to “several hysterical articles in the New York Times.”
Obviously, as we all know, Sullivan’s measured response to this report is colored by his own indiscretions in relation to this.
It’s also noteworthy in that he’s finally found a recreational drug he can “just say no” to (although one has to note that crystal meth wasn’t even on his radar until this story).
posted by Sully 2/16/2005 12:10:00 PM
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
P O’Neill speculates on whether Sully is back to kissing Tory ass (make that “arse”) in his latest Sunday Times of London column.
posted by Sully 2/15/2005 11:26:00 AM